I Can’t Find My Bra: Limping Into the Final Days of the School Year

With only days left in the school year ... sanity and wardrobes hang by a thread.

Bra 2I had such good intentions when this school year began. Pack some lunches, do some homework, make some projects…oh, I got this. My days would finally be free again. I’d have time to organize the garage and make those photo albums I’ve been threatening to put together for years. I’d form new friendships and join some boring ladies group at church. After nail appointments with my Mom-friends I’d come home, fix dinner and lovingly help my kids complete their assignments and earn those straight As.

Oh man, I was set to be the mother of all mothers this year. I’d write a book about it so other less talented mothers could read it and feel self conscious about their parenting fails while wishing they could be more like that really amazing, funny, witty, organized Kira Davis. I would blog about it, maybe get a show on Oprah’s network and segment on “Good Morning America.” This year was the year.

Bra New Features New Beauty

SCREEECH! Fast-foward to the end of the school year…

Supermom has no super left, and barely even any mom left. I find myself limping into the end of the school year. I’m like an exhausted marathoner just before the finish line – my muscles are in full revolt, I’m wobbly, disoriented…I can see that finish line but my legs won’t go in the same direction. Help!

Bra little monstersThose lovingly packed lunches?

Sorry kids, make them yourselves or roll the dice with the cafeteria lunch. No bread? Just put some put some meat between some crackers. No crackers? Just roll up the meat and bag it. No meat? I don’t know what to tell you. There’s a banana somewhere under those rotting oranges in the fruit bowl. Knock yourself out.

Homework? Common core math made it so I can’t understand my 3rd grader’s homework. I gave up after the third time we were asked to draw a diagram showing how Jameresh decided that four elephants plus three giraffes equaled 114 candy canes. That was back in October. Now I’m basically just pretending we don’t even have homework anymore.  If it doesn’t get finished at school, it just doesn’t get finished.

Oh, you’re Ben Franklin in the class play…TOMORROW?

Here’s some old pantyhose and Daddy’s suit jacket. Make it work.

You have a science project due on Friday? Mentos, Coke, camera…GO!

Glue your pictures to a poster board. We may be out of glue but if you dig deep enough in the kitchen junk drawer you may find a glob or two of melted glue stick lurking in the corners. You’ll probably have to scrape off the glitter and pencil shavings. If there are no globs, use tape. We used all the tape on the last assignment I put any effort into back in January (new year, new you!). Here’s some gum. It tastes funny? It should. I found it at the bottom of the junk drawer.

How many bloody birthday parties can one place have in the span of two weeks? When am I Bra panicsupposed to do all this gift shopping? Hayliegh’s birthday is at Jumpin Jammers (its as awful as it sounds) at 2pm – hope she likes quarters. Kayliegh’s birthday is at 4pm at LaserQuest (slightly better than JJs because you can just find a dark corner to cower in) – hope she likes old Valentine’s Day pencils. Bayleigh’s party is at 6pm at Big Air (where parental sanity goes to die) – hope she likes whatever this is I found in the kitchen junk drawer.

Shoes have holes in them, pants are torn and tops are stretched.

At this point the kids’ wardrobes are being held together with nothing more than a few precarious seams and the sheer willpower only a mother in her final two weeks of the school year can summon.

Bra winkI know there are a lot of you moms out there like me right now – just dragging everyone and their backpacks across the finish line. I want to tell you – it’s enough.

Few of us ever get to be supermom. Some of us get good at lying about it, but I’m not sure if there is anyone who has really figured it out. Yes, it’s disappointing. We expect more from ourselves in those hopeful, heady days of a new semester. But if all you can muster for the next few weeks is take-out and half-assed costumes for the school play, that’s enough. Get through these last days however you can. As crazy as it seems now, these are the days we will long for in years to come.

So revel in your chaos and apologize for nothing. This is what real life looks life. Some days you’re Kate Middleton and others you’re a sweaty, strung-out Miley Cyrus impersonator in front of Mann’s Chinese Theater. What are ya gonna do?

And don’t worry…come fall you are going to be the most amazingly organized, present, creative mom in the school. Next year will be our year! I know it.

……Has anyone seen my bra?!!!  Bra final pic

Photo Credits: flikr/retroclipart

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